Fuck..

[arabwel]

having a massive cryinbg fit. Firrst one in ges and itps hard. Feeling öliker sa completye useless fuckup of a monster that no one will ever love. Wish I could just die.

want to stop hurting like this. I wish I werew ptretyty.. then I wouldnopt hurt like this.

Comments

[vagablonde.livejournal.com]

being pretty isn't an insulator from pain...nothing is, except friends and the people who know you and love you. Don't wish for something other than who you are cause that's what folks like me see and love in you.

[arabwel.livejournal.com]

if i were prwe'tty trhen someone migth actually love me in the i-want-you-to-have-my-babiues way. no one will ever want to be with an uglky, scarred blob like me.

[vagablonde.livejournal.com]

you're wrong, sweetie, someone will one day see the you inside...this is just a bad time right now...it'll pass. I know you as a funny, insightful woman with a quirky sense of humour and a lot of passion for the world. DOn't lose site of that.

[arabwel.livejournal.com]

i seriously doubt that anuyone would ever want me, especially if they sawe inside me. Ipm ugly inside and out.

inside and out

[wight1984.livejournal.com]

-Everyone- feels that way sometimes.

It's just a matter of learning to pull yourself out of it. After all, I'm sure you know as well as I do that these moods aren't fun, so obviously they're to be avoided.

One of my favourite reasoning about the matter is it doesn't matter how I look or am inside, at the end of the day this is me and wallowing in self-depreciation isn't going to do any good. If I just cut myself a break I can have a lot more fun, have whatever little joy I can, and probably people will end up liking me more anyway (positive people are more attractive than negative people, just plain fact)

Re: inside and out

[arabwel.livejournal.com]

Might work for you, but dowesnpt work for me. Ipm nothing but a useless, ugly lumpo who will never amount to anything,a nd everyone konows it jsut as well as I do.

[theladyfeylene.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I know it's not much, but *hugs* all the same.

[arabwel.livejournal.com]

*hugs* thanks....

[sandssavvy.livejournal.com]

*huggs**huggs**huggs**huggs**huggs**huggs**huggs**huggs**huggs**huggs**huggs**huggs**huggs**huggs**huggs*
More guys would love an ugly but fun, or smart, or nice woman that a pretty bitch.

[arabwel.livejournal.com]

but most guys wouldm't touch a fat woman weith a ten-foot pole.

*hugggles*

Most guys

[wight1984.livejournal.com]

Since when were most guys desirable to date anyway?

Most guys suck. Most girls do as well. I know I wouldn't want to date most people.

Re: Most guys

[arabwel.livejournal.com]

I'm too ugly to be able to be picky.

pickiness

[wight1984.livejournal.com]

Okay, backtrack.

There's always reason to be picky. It's better to be single then not to be picky. That's probably half of your problem here is that you haven't learn to be happy by yourself. It's one of the most important things in life, and without learning that lesson it's a relationship-killer anyway.

I never got much in the way of romantic interest until I learned to appreciate myself and be happy by myself.

The whole notion of needing to be in a relationship to be happy is an empty myth. People that believe in it spend all thier time either in miserable relationships or being miserable by themselves. Not much fun.

Secondly, you're presupposing that you're ugly. That kind of thinking is never going to do you any favours. Everyone of us can do it, I've done it, but I don't do it anymore (so much), or at least when it does happen I don't dwell on the thoughts. Not because I've somehow come to a realisation of how beautiful I apparently am, but because dwelling on it is irrational and pointless and just makes me miserable, and I for one don't like being miserable (and I don't think other people like me being miserable either, so it's win-win all around)

What you're feeling is very normal and human, but it's something that you'll find yourself much happier if you could just let go of those thought-patterns.

prettiness

[wight1984.livejournal.com]

As vagablonde said, being pretty or not being pretty changes nothing. It doesn't mean anything, it doesn't change your self-value, doesn't make you friends, doesn't change how you should act. Wasn't until I realised this that I got some self-esteem and started enjoying life.

The issue is insecurity and self-esteem, nothing else. Without those things, everyone is miserable, without those things, no one thinks they're pretty anyway so the entire thing is moot.

Re: prettiness

[arabwel.livejournal.com]

If I were pretty, someone would want me. if I were skinny, I wouldnpot be the one who always gets passed over.

Re: prettiness

[wight1984.livejournal.com]

Everyone gets passed over sometimes. It's happened to me enough times. I've also spent long periods of time without anyone 'wanting me'.

Am I not pretty?

Re: prettiness

[arabwel.livejournal.com]

lwrts put it this way; i get ALWAYS passed over, and mp one EVER wants me - that is aas in always and ever, not hyperbole. I'm 20 and have never been on a date. My only "boyfriend" was pulling a practical joke on me. My.. sordid escapafdes.. are just that, sorfdid.

self-depreciation

[wight1984.livejournal.com]

Not sure I've ever been on a date as such, and a year back the only girlfriend I had was a girl whom I met whilst she had severe self-esteem problems, not a good track record.

As I said elsewhere, you convince yourself no one wants you, you'll make it true.

I've met girls whom I was flirting with and then I lose all interest just because they start being self-depreciative. Not because of the way they look, or any other part of thier personality, just the self-depreciation.

Re: prettiness

[tiggymalvern.livejournal.com]

if I were skinny, I wouldnpot be the one who always gets passed over.

Guess what, I was the skinny one. I was the one who was 19 years old, 6 feet tall and weighed just over 8 stone. I had hips and collarbones that stuck out like coathangers and I hated the way I looked. My tutor in college spent two years asking my friends if they ever saw me eat because she was convinced I was anorexic.

All my friends had cleavages and boyfriends, and I was flat-chested and alone. I was convinced that if only I had a bust, someone would want me. Eventually I decided it wasn't going to change, I had good friends who I loved, and I was okay with being alone.

Slowly I started to believe it. As I did, I became more confident and found it easier to talk to people without worrying about what they thought of how I looked. And lo and behold, people started to take an interest in me.

Nothing is more of a turn-on than confidence. Nothing is more off-putting than shyness and self-loathing. People can smell it a mile off, and they run from it. It's nothing to do with how you look, and everything to do with how you feel about yourself. I have overweight friends who are flirty and have loving SOs and are considered sexy by lots of people who meet them.

I met my current SO when I was almost 24, and before that, I'd had one 'boyfriend' (as opposed to a few one night pick-ups, which were fun, not sordid) and he lasted two weeks. I never dated anyone at all before I was 20.

You're not alone in your dilemma. You're not the only person who ever despaired of being wanted. You're not the only one who never dated when all their friends went from boyfriend to boyfriend.

You are the only one who can fix it. Not necessarily by dieting, but if dieting makes you feel better about yourself so that the confidence comes with it, that will work. But if you want someone else to find you interesting and sexy and fun, you have to convince yourself that you are all those things first.

[hippediva.livejournal.com]

Oh sweetie! first ::::::HUGGGGGGS:::: for days and years and centuries..

And remember this---even pretty people get old, gets lines and wrinkles and baggy knees. It's what's inside that counts. Physical beauty is transitory---it fades...and it's often a very traumatic thing for someone who has been able to count on their looks to suddenly have to see a face in the mirror that is old and craggy. Happens to us all so concentrate on the good things inside of you. Besides, who says you're not pretty! I think you are!

::::more hugs:::::

[arabwel.livejournal.com]

*higggles back* thanks....

I just dfeel like no one even wants to bother what is inside me because the outside is.... so..u8na ppealing. i canpt think of myself as pretty, no matter hwo ahrd I try :(

*hugggles some morwe*

[waxbean.livejournal.com]

oh, dear Ara. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I hope that this passes soon -- these kinds of things are based in rational thought and behavior- so the best thing to, in my opinion, is just to ride them out. And maybe take comfort in the knowledge that many many people feel like this from time to time.

xxooMary

[arabwel.livejournal.com]

*huggles*

thanks...a ma already feeling al little better but not that much... feel like my had is about to explode out of sheer frustration and want :/

[aurora100.livejournal.com]

Ara, my dear friend. You have been happy lately. I've read your posts. You switched from "I wanna die" icons to "happy kitty" icons. The past 2 weeks may have been a little stressful, with your sister coming over and your computer not working, but you have been happy for more than 2 days at a time. "Shiny" is a state that most people can't sustain for more than a day or 2... thank god.

And you are quite pretty. I know, I've seen a picture. And I'm an artist. I have a BA in aesthetics... qualified professional here & I'm not lying to you. I even had my dearest love look at your picture and tell me what he though about you, and he said "Oh, not bad".

Everyone has "ugly" days. Take a shower, do your hair and put on your spiffiest outfit. Go for a short walk and enjoy some little thing in life... like the sunshine or the rain.

(Please don't get engaged to a crazy Russian like I did when I was 20)... it's not what will make you happy. Only YOU can make you happy. It will take a while, it will be hard, but it's worth it. Once you are happy with you, your dearest love will just fall into your lap and surprise you.

Now, go make your bed. Take a shower, get dressed and go for a short walk/ride. Take out the trash and do your dishes. Spend time with your kitty-faces.

We all love you and I'm booting you into action! Go!

[aurora100.livejournal.com]

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