Dream on

So I am alive. as usual. barewly. not atr work because I was up till 3.30 trrying to get my head a bit more straight, re: sunday evening and now I feel ded.

and need to do stuff, which is of the ev0lness.

roommates are giving me a bit of an uissue - i think i am too much of a geek for themn. all they see of mer, i am either messing weith my computer or going out. *sigh* this is not of the good. iu overheard them talking. which makes for a sad ara. In general life seems to be vrery, very issueful at the momnt.

Nodis, you up for tat coffee today? COuld meet at the McDonalds cafe at, say, fiveish if that is ok with you?

So, what have I been up to since friday? cut cause long and rambly and deailedish.

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So, still home and sick.

amusoing myself woith HP fanfci and Myspace.

Mostly, um yeah, doing things I should not on myspace. LIke flirting with drummer boy., and deciding that ooh, hey, I will get a tattoo in Birmingham in may! Why? Vcause the shop drummer boy (and the band';s singer, too ) got their tattoos at is ijn birmingham. and it is not like I wioll have much else to do on taht day, other than hangoing pout with Uri... so, a taottoo form somone rathe r awesome fromt he looks of it, why not?

... yeah, I am hopeless. need to decide what I want and where i want it, actually - I am thinking something on my left side jsut to balance things out...

and I miss the damn boi so much it hurts **sigh* but, i know I can;t be with him so I will jsut ave to endure,.a nd seriously, need to have a talk with him.... *sighsighsigh*

Bleh in general.

So, last night I went to DOminion. and It was goodnbess. in ral loevels. for one,f ree chocolate and a backrub, w00t. a on another, good music and company that makes me feel human again. and on yet a\znother., more loveliness about "Woah, I have self confidencew now?"

FOr one, i have gottent o the point whrere I can jsut toss on something and head off to dominion - I don;t have a compuilsionh to make msyelf look pretty. look neat enough to be out in puiblic, yes, but n compulsion of "Omg I can;t go there unless i am done tot he nines" - just, tossed on something black and was out of the door. (in thois case something black was my Wreck t-shirt, my new ioron maiden hooidie and a long black skirt. with thick leghggings underneath :P)

another pooinbt was that =,w el, i damnced a bit. *ducks and hides* Never more than 2 dsongs ina row and if I fdelt dizzy or bad I ewent to sit immediately! and no more than maybne ten songs, total, if that! but yeah, went to dance. this was when Personal Jesus came on. at that point, the only person on the dancefloor was someone who is absofuckinglutely incredible dancer - think makes your eyes bulge and your jaw fdrop and you think he is going to break something any moment now but he doesn;t, he is jsut so good. and when the song started? 2 other[people besides myself headed tot he dance floor, both who I knew to be pretty damn gooood dancers.

Now, int he past this would have intmidates me to not dnacing. because of thew whole "I will look so stupid compared to them!" factor, as well as other things. but this time? I was happy to jsut dance, didn;t matter who was on the floor with me, igf there was any0one, or anything. because it has finally sunk into my head - theere really ius no fiucking way it matters what i look like when I dance., I am not a fucking exotiuc dancer, there to be eye candy - I am there to dance because the music makes my spine tingle and i go crazy if I don't.

In short, Ireoland is good forf me.

at the end of the night i took a taxi homew rather than th ebus becuase I figured I did not want to walk as much as the bus wopuld have required.,. and thwe taxi drivfer got lost ont he way \o/ he was nice, tho, and stopped the meter when he realized he was somewhere totaqlly not the right place... :D

Now i am just going to mooch on the sofa until a biut latter, when I am going to risk going out casue I need painkillers.,a dn something edible...

All in all, life is good.

I jsut wish I could see the boi :(

(oh, and tro demonjstrate how different it is here than in the loast ploace: I have been here for almost 2 weeks and today is tghe first sday anyone has brought out the vacuum cleaner :D )

I moved out todaty.

... ugh ugh ugh. it is all driving me crazy, pretty much, but.... yeah. needed to get the hell out of there.

Couldn;t have done it without Marita. She is a Godsend.

Now.. I am at a netcafe cause the computer at the house wouldn;t access gmail and because I jsut felt like it, and happy.

of couyrse, i am already facepalming a b8it becausei didn;lt realize tht the new troom only has a single bed. Oh well, teenagers all over the world succeed at it every moment, I am sure the boi and I can, too...

So, what was Ara up to yesterday aftr she headed out?

Well, she went and grabbed cinese, which was not as good as it could have been. it was.. weird. But, dos not deter me from muy love of that restaurant.

After that, the den of evils aka Dominion. it was rarly, tho, around en otr so so I had a slight wtf cause it was arly enought hat the guys were still setting everything up.l so I ended up chating weityh the DJ, making a few rewqurests,a nd allt aht jazz.

Danced my head off, think I pulled a muscle in my back at one point.. the boi tried to play the CD but apparently the fucktastic copyprotections make it so that the damn thing is not, in fact, playable at the player there. *sigh* oh well. It would not have really fit the rest of the set anyway. t he music was awesome, and I feel kind of midfed now, cause there were some great songs at the end of the night but I couldn;t dance - you see, I had a slight problem with shattering.

yeah,t he roomie stress got to me. *sgh* thank god for glompable stuffed creaturews in bondage and lovely people willing to hug me and hold my hand while i am shaking and fretting and making an ass out of myself.

and incidentally, i need to find osmething chreaper but equally yummy to drink as vodka with red bull.

yah, after my little bout of shaterng i came home, with company. And that made things a LOT better. (also ealized roomies were gone for the entire weekend so my angst re: this morning was gone).

this morning we got up at an evil hour.. you ae not supposed to wake up around nineish when you come home at four... but was a pleasant morning, we made it out of there and now I am here at the net cafe and he went off to work.

Life seems jsut a bit shiny now.

ETA: btw? he boui apparently does nto even like chicken soup., and apparently, his mom's would be better than mine (I did confess to my, you know, loathing of aid foodstuffa nd therefore any chicken soup I make being experimental at best) I believe this is Significant isn some manner :P

So, ia m at the net cafe, big surprise there,w asting time beore dominion.t here is a munh at a bar nearby starting 8ish, so I think I might go there fora bit bfore I go to dominion.

to recap: alan_ie and nodis are in London, the Boi is sick at home, and Marita is just mia somewere out ther.e Meaning? None of the peopl i feel like i KNOW are there. Why does this make me feel vaguely nervous? I have been there several times before, ffs. it is not like i will be going there entirely on my owna nd not know anyone and end up sitting alone in a corner bein miserable - iif that had happened, it would have had to be the first night. and that was when I, you know, eded up goin to alan_ie and going "Hey you mentioned LJ!" at him.

I know, i have a dose of paranoia in me.

bfore that, I intend to go to the munc thingy o the local kinky eople. which is convinently across the street. Should b fun... i will not stay thre that long,t hough, I think. and I think I should probably attempt to grab something to eat, too, eventually. not chinese, tho, had that yesterday. so robably.. no idea, really. may eat at the munch. Not sutre yt.

in general, I am ok. there was roommate angst.. dear god I cant; stnad those people tbh. *sigh* and earlier as feeling godawful oer stuf that happned int he past... sufice to say, i am ns till not completely over what happened while I was in the UK. Bleha t that, tbho.;

Now ia m going to be doin.. somethin.. no idea what really.

it is official. I am now old. cause atm? my head hurrrrrts..;.... and there is only l one logical explanation.

I am hung over. the woe.

Oh well, at least i habe no moral hangover. i am rather happy about last night and hell, yestersay in general.

So what happens is, after work i go off to the ciuty cewnter, and meet up with marita. asnd... yeah. MY plan was to spend all of 160 euros.... did not go that way.

So, first we go to Evans. I bought saome leopard print thights cause they did not have fishnets in my sioze.. and now I am seriously anoyed cause those thiughts? are supposed to foit up to a size 30. THey do not fit me at all. But, I did score a pair of very nicce boots so... yeah, by the time wer lefdt i had the boots and thights. Moving on.... to lush.

stuck to my list.l conditioner, moisturizer, exgoliator, another kind of moisturizer. cost me a ton, but this should kkeep me lushed up for the whole month. I think anyway.

Ann syummers was nicew, i did try this one n ice shirt but it was nbot whatr I wanted. cause, not enough boob support there. and I wnates owemthing I could hewave worn outside the bedroom as well. n o shoppage there. a nd that was, you know,, my original plan.

thewn we headed off to temple bar. hysteria, a few other storews... i ended up getting more makeup, and damn it i now know that pamela mann lycera onesizes fit me. this is not a goodd thing to know :P aha was closed by the time we got thewre but it was still so worth it. I beliueve shopping till you drop is a good word for stuff. (I goot, in a moredetauiled supply liist, 2 stargazer kohls, a nail varnish, some entertainement *woink wink nudge nudge*, and chocolate. sand the fishnets) and after that, it was time for food.

i wans int he mood for italian, and stteak actually, so italnian it was.. my steak was cooked the wrongf way but i didn;t catre, i was too hungry to give a damn. the food was awesome, thew winme delicious,a nd I have ytou recipe for instyant sin: Bailey's cheesecake.

after that, we were supposed to head for a pint. yeah, with ha;lfd a botttlew of woine and some fortifired coffee in us, we went off to this one place that had a rock jihad thing going on... and wee went through tower records. theree saxon albums in my possession now, and an urge to go back if they have O/DS as well... *facepalm*

yeah, tat the rock jihgad I badghered ,arita to ask the dj to play one of the songs form my new cds, and he did. we had fun, had a few pints (and dude, thesepeople don;t believ e ion shotrglasses. have you any idea how hard is it trying to knock nback a shortt of vodka from a tall glass with ice?

yerah, after we left there we headed off to bruxxelles. there was a bvusker on the street, and somehow we ended up talikking ot him. (I believe it involvedd marita goiung "ooh, verve!" Legts go be groupies!" and so fdort.h. eventually, the guy joined us at bryuxelles. his name was john nand he was a relaly nice guy.

and yes, in bruxxelles more booze was xonsumed. and I believe I was rather sounsed... you know, dancing ont he tables if i didn;t know it would be a disaster for b oth menand the table kind of a thing so just dancing at the dcorner we were standoing in... alsao met snowfake thewre. was nice seeing himn. * I have no idea what he said to marita, or wqhatr she said to him... *g*
There was a pretty italaian boy there thjat i kind of liked the look of, didn;t go anywhere tho. (He didn;t put enough effor t in it) and i actually sawe a familiar face from D... Starey McStary was there, too. *snort*

wer stayed there till the end of the night,t hen toddled off to grab a taxi fgor me bnefore marita headed home. when ig ot home, i jsut fell into bed, pretty much.,

All in all, a good night.

(Especially since, you know, marita and I, we talked a lot about the whole thing witht he boi. i feel a lot more settled about it now)

now, troday's plans involve some cleaning/. also, shpould go tgo the store. but hyeah, msotly cleaning.

and screw cookies, ia m hiung over.

So, work wqas prettyu good. dsid not have anything go wrong, at the very least. or at least id t did not too badly. *g* it was prertty good, and I am getting less worried about wevweryuthing.. i thinkt hat by, hmmj, mayb e next friday i will be able to handle calls entirely on my own without crying to my mentor about it...

Also, was muchly amused by work by txt messages from the Guy.. now,t hat is an interesting situation. it maikes me go kinda "hmmm... " cause tbh, i hav e no idea where is tand with him, and jsut what exactly is going on. *shakes head* do feel massive yay!happy about the fact that I wills ee him on saturday an d sunday, form the looks of it... *shakes head* io guess ia m just a bit hopeless.

hhave done cleaning.. mopped bathroom, done arranging stuff in bedroom, done some laundrty... fuck the landlady, if she has something to complain about? well, i am leaving at the nedc of feb anyway. i don;t thinkt hat messiness is enough of a freason to kick anyone out cause the current conditions are not dirty/filthy, jyust, you know, organized chaos toi some degree...

yeah. knowing my luck, i am movin gout ont he 31st *snort*

So, yesterday Ara went to the Dominion, and had oodles of fun as usual. Got a drink bought to me byu the DJ who was so happy SOMEONE danced to Nightwish, as fara s I got it figured out.*g* Got my laptop back from alan_ie and was in general a good night.

coming home alone, on the other hand, does kind of suck. Did see the guy, tho, even if he couldn;t spend the night.. *sighs* was hoping to go outrt with him tonight but life is evil and he was tired.

IU should probably go to bed... need sleep, b ut want internet. *g* i have had a lazy day, internet, more internet, a bath, cleaning my room....

bnow i am gonna mooch online for a bit and then crash. tomotrrow, work at 7 am. *shudder*

(Oh, and for soem reasont he roojmates seem to bve acdting like humans again. ewtf? still evil about the net cable, tho... )