arabwel | Fuck..

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Fuck..

having a massive cryinbg fit. Firrst one in ges and itps hard. Feeling öliker sa completye useless fuckup of a monster that no one will ever love. Wish I could just die.

want to stop hurting like this. I wish I werew ptretyty.. then I wouldnopt hurt like this.

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I'm too ugly to be able to be picky.

Okay, backtrack.

There's always reason to be picky. It's better to be single then not to be picky. That's probably half of your problem here is that you haven't learn to be happy by yourself. It's one of the most important things in life, and without learning that lesson it's a relationship-killer anyway.

I never got much in the way of romantic interest until I learned to appreciate myself and be happy by myself.

The whole notion of needing to be in a relationship to be happy is an empty myth. People that believe in it spend all thier time either in miserable relationships or being miserable by themselves. Not much fun.

Secondly, you're presupposing that you're ugly. That kind of thinking is never going to do you any favours. Everyone of us can do it, I've done it, but I don't do it anymore (so much), or at least when it does happen I don't dwell on the thoughts. Not because I've somehow come to a realisation of how beautiful I apparently am, but because dwelling on it is irrational and pointless and just makes me miserable, and I for one don't like being miserable (and I don't think other people like me being miserable either, so it's win-win all around)

What you're feeling is very normal and human, but it's something that you'll find yourself much happier if you could just let go of those thought-patterns.

THe problem? I am incapoable of being happy alone. reasoning based on the fact that I have been alone all my life and I do not believe that I have ever been actually happy,. ever, for a period of more than 2 or 3 days. those being special events like conventions. But actual happiness of the life-is-shiny sort that lasts beyond brief moments? Nope, 'never.

I donpt wnat to be alone any longer.

Lots of people think they're incapable of being happy alone. Some people think they can't be happy unless they're rich.

Doesn't make either of them right.

And even if it was right, just because we're not shiny happy people, does that mean we have to be downright miserable? Is there no area between? Life does bite sometimes, but that doesn't mean we should always be sad.

Way I see it, less joy there is in the world, the more we ought to grab hold of it with both hands. Sky is falling tommorow? Enjoy the day you have, don't mope about all that there is to be sad about.

there are very, very few things in life that I can actually find any joy in, and they donpt actually make me feel like grabvbing them. they're quite frankly too insignificant to drive away the misery.

Then they don't drive away the misery, isn't joy it's own reward?

Really, if I was that miserable that there was only one thing once a year that could give me any joy, I know I'd be looking forward to that day every year and I'd appreciate it more than anything I have in my life at the moment.

I wouldn't call them insignificant.

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